The Zac Files

Tweetless in… the middle of nowhere February 14, 2010

So basically, I had what I considered to be a fantastic idea for Valentines weekend: take Caitlin to a nearby lodge for two days, spend the weekend in a secluded environment, taking full advantage of usual hotel amenities, but mostly, just relaxing.

Now, I know what you’re thinking… “But Zac, can’t you do similar things in the comfort of your own apartment?” This is true. Well, I wanted… “For free, I might add?” …right, gotcha. Anyway, I wanted to… “Are these your socks in the living room?”  Listen, interrupting internal thought process, I get it. Let me continue. And yes, those are my socks. I’ll get to them in a minute.

Anyway, my intent was to make an effort to do something special for Valentines Day, but to also be able to relax, which I knew is what Caitlin really wanted.

When we got there, in addition to a lack of internet (which really shouldn’t have surprised me) I found I had zero cell reception. And not that I NEED to have access to Twitter 24/7, but as the weekend went from promisingly awesome to hilariously awful, I felt compelled to give 140 character snippets of just how bad things were.

And it is with THAT, I present the following Tweets I couldn’t send this weekend:

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Surprising @caitlincorns with a trip to a nearby lodge for Valentines Weekend. Should be good.

@caitlincorns got car sick on the way over. Probably shouldn’t have blindfolded her. DEFINITELY shouldn’t have tied her up and thrown her in the trunk either.

Room is small, but quaint. Very quiet here. Dinner soon.

We’re one of three couples here, I think. Might be a little too quiet. Place has a pool, but no fitness center. Kind of bummed.

I never thought a bar could be awkward. But believe it or not… a lodge bar with an overly-attentive bartender is.

Hey, the Olympics are apparently happening.

Really? Canada is making shit up I think.

Donald Sutherland narrating is kind of creepy. Donald Sutherland in anything is kind of creepy.

I feel like Donald Sutherland would be that celebrity neighbor you wouldn’t have any desire of meeting.

Poetry Slam guy is just making shit up. It’s like opening a college paper with “When I set out to write this paper, blah blah blah, but I learned so much more.”

Discovered the mattresses here are basically stacked box springs with a touch of foam. I feel like I was spinally raped.

A few more people at breakfast today. Looks like some desperate families with kids trying to keep the marriage alive.

This pool is like a bad Cialis commercial.

@corey randomly showed up at the pool. That was strange. Cool to see him.

@caitlincorns and I tried going to the main lodge section to write. Sometime in the last hour, a crap-ton of geriatrics showed up.

What do old people LOVE doing most? Sitting in a circle in the middle of the lodge singing along to one guy playing folk songs on harmonica.

It’s like music night at the nursing home. I feel 63 by association.

They’re not even cool old people. They’re the ones that came here to die.

And somehow, they’re getting louder.

I feel like I’m in Cocoon 3.

… and you know Pfeizer made a KILLING out of just these guests.

Apparently they changed the dinner menu, which I specifically made sure catered to @caitlincorns and my picky tastes before booking.

Drove 30 minutes to a Pizza Hut so @caitlincorns could get something to eat. Yes, we’re 30 minutes from any kind of civilization.

Decided to visit my parents. Wanted to hang out with a younger crowd than what was at the lodge.

Returned to lodge. Watching Olympics the rest of the night. For this I pay $250?

Signed the bill this morning. Tired, but wanted to leave. Turns out they didn’t wave a $30 dinner we were supposed to get for free.

I regret leaving my apartment .

Had a good time with @caitlincorns though, despite everything. But for real, she’s planning whatever next outing we have.

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So, moral of this story: Don’t bother trying that hard. It’s not worth it. (Though I’m informed by @caitlincorns reading over my shoulder that this ISN’T the moral of the story.)

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!!

Repurposing the blog? February 1, 2010

I’m flirting with the idea of re-purposing my blog from a writing log into… well, I guess it’d be a standard blog. Haven’t decided yet.