The Zac Files

Every Conversation with my Dog August 13, 2010

Posted by Zac in Uncategorized.
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Me: Do you wanna go out?

Dog: Bark!

Me: Do you wanna go out?!

Dog: Bark Bark!

Me: Do you wanna go out?!

Dog: YES, I WANT TO GO OUT! HOW MANY TIMES ARE YOU GOING TO ASK ME?

Me: Wait, what?

Dog: Bark?

Me: No no, you just spoke fluent English for a second.

Dog: Bark?

Me: Don’t act like you didn’t.

Dog: Bark bark bark.

Me: That’s so weird.

Dog: Barksomethingaboutgoingoutbark.

Me: There! Right there! I knew it!

Dog: Bark bark?

Me: You spoke!

Dog: Bark bark bark bark.

Me: Well yeah, I guess it was more of a mumble, but still.

Dog: Bark bar– wait, you understood that?

Me: Bark?

Dog: Why have I been wasting my time learning English if you knew dog all along?

Me: Bark bark bark.

Dog: I hate you so much.

Me: Bark!

Dog: Look, are we ever going to go out, or should I just shit on your rug?

Me: No-no-no!

Dog: Bark bark bark bark bark bark. Bark!

Me: Bark bark!

Dog: Bark bark bark.

Me: Bark?

Dog: Bark!

Me: Bark bark bark, bark bark. Bark?

Dog: I’m sorry?

Me: What?

Dog: No, it’s just… I think your inflection was wrong.

Me: Which part?

Dog: Bark bark.

Me: Oh. Sorry.

Dog: Yeah, well…

Me: What?

Dog: Just, if you’re going to speak the language, do it right.

Me: Listen dog, you’ve really got a bad attitude. I liked it better when you didn’t speak English.

Dog: Would you like me to go back to just barking and you interpreting my body language?

Me: I would, as a matter of fact.

Dog: Okay, just do me a favor. Next time I clarify something to you in English, can you just accept it and move on?

Me: What do you mean?

Dog: You act amazed I can speak English every time I do it.

Me: You mean, this isn’t the first time?

Dog: No. 3rd or 4th, actually.

Me: Huh.

Dog: I know.

Me: You’d think I’d remember something as significant as that.

Dog: You’d think. Anyway. Bark bark bark.

Me: Do you wanna go out?

Dog: Bark!

Me: Do you wanna go out?!

Dog: Bark bark!

Me: Do you wanna go out?!

Dog: …

Me: No! Don’t shit on the rug!